I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
