He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
