he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
