I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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