If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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