I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
