So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
