felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
