I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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