just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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