There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
