When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
