And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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