i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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