omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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