just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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