If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
