Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
