probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Actions speak louder than pants.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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