Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
