I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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