Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
