so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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