he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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