You're my little dorito
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
