i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
