I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
