corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
