O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
