Quick, to the slutcave!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
