does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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