They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
