you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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