Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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