too bad you live with your parents still
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
