And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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