Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
