Non-Jews are for practice
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize