No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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