The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
