Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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