Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
