yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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