I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
