made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
