when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
