i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
