Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
