Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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