I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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