whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
