How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
