I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
