my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
