um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
