haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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