i don't like sucking hair
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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