conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
