so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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