areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
