Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
