I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
