Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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