Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize