Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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