the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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