just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
