Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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