who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
