literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
