she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
