Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no you cant smoke seaweed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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