Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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