Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
