I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
