I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
