so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
