There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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