Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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