So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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