On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
