Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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