He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
