You're earring is so big in my mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
