Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize