I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
