Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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