Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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