Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
