Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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