We got so high we made milksteak
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
